3's & 7's

Warning: This review contains course language. Viewer discretion is advised.

 

Hello, everypony. I am the Critique.

 

Well, after a few weeks of nothing but either distractions or good fics. It’s time I get back to my roots. And what better way to do that than with-

 

Sir, do you not think you should talk about Amazing Spider-Man 2?

 

No, I don’t think I should talk about it.

 

Is it because you despise this movie so much that you feel that you couldn’t contain your anger if you started to discuss your feelings towards it?

 

I am not talking about it!

Is it because you enjoyed it so much that you will not discuss it for fear of those who hated it will attempt to kill you?

 

I’m just not going to talk about it! I’ve already been though a Spider-Man review last week and I’m not doing another one!

Sir, I would highly recommend reviewing it. You put so much emphasis on it, the fans will be expecting it.

 

NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!

 

Very well, but you are making a mistake.

 

Huff… Anyway… Its time I started talking once again about the worst of the worst fan fictions out there. And boy are we in for a treat. Out of all the human in Equestria stories I’ve read, this one is probably the worst. Yes, it is worse than Exile of Daimon and Human of a Pony. How exactly does it beat the intense Applejack hatred and Flutter… eww…

 

Well, let’s dig into 3's & 7's by System Breaker and find out.

 

So, we start off our story with our main character, who somehow appears in Equestria. Oh, good. Another human in Equestria story. Well, let’s see how unoriginal and uninspiring this one can be.

 

So, he comes across Fluttershy’s cottage, but stumbles over due to his injury. Fluttershy sees him and takes him in to nurse him back to health. And now we start the “Main character falls in love with me” timer…

 

And begin!

 

 My eyesight was still disoriented, but I already knew it was Fluttershy. After all, she was the only small yellow being that lived in that house AND was capable of opening a door.

 

 

You heard right, kids! Unless you are a pony in this world, you are incapable of doing anything! Racism! It’s good for you!

 

So, Fluttershy nurses him back to health, which results in her slapping a bandage on his body. Also, the character (since we don’t know his name) has the balls to say that Fluttershy has no medical knowledge of any kind.

 

Yeah, Fluttershy has nursed several animals back to normal! I think she has more medical knowledge than you, you idiot! Of course, being such a big fan of the show, as the main character clearly states, you should already know that!

“Wow,” gawked Fluttershy. “So you’re some kind of two-legged pony?”

 

“No, I’m a human,” I explained, hoping Lyra wasn’t listening.

 

Okay… Why is Lyra even in this conversation? You wasted a reference on something that most people don’t get! I have no idea why the hell you are mentioning Lyra, when she has no relevance to what is going on?! You just referenced her for a stupid joke that doesn’t need to be there!

 

“I’m a bipedal sentient being that is quite familiar with pony culture… In other words, I’m a smart creature that stands on two legs and knows about ponies.”

 

“All those other creatures around here, they’re as dumb as a bunch of rocks!”

 

What about dragons?

 

“Nope, stupid.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or zebras?

 

 

“Nope, they’re stupid too.”

 

 

 

 

 

Buffalos?

 

 

“Yeah, they’re a herd of idiots.”

 

 

 

 

Griffins?

 

 

“Every race that I am not a part of is stupid! What part of that do you not understand?!”

 

Wow… I feel like I need a drink and we are not even 1000 words into this.

 

“This is amazing!” Fluttershy whispered. “I have to show you to Twilight! She’ll have so many questions!”

 

“Slow down there!” I stopped her. “You barely know anything about me and you think taking me to your friend is a good idea. What if I were dangerous?”

 

Hey, he’s got a good point. Why would you trust this absolute stranger to your friends? You barely know anything about him! Except for the fact that he is clearly racist! He insults your ability as a medical expert and he appears out of nowhere with no explanation of how he got there! I’m sorry, I agree with the Mary-Sue here. Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to call him that. I mean, he just has many of the qualities that you’d find in a Mary-Sue, I got confused… No, actually, I’m calling him Mary-Sue anyway. I don’t need to know his name. As far as I’m concern, you are Mary-Sue.

 

He introduces himself, but frankly what’s the point of giving him a name? There is nothing to distinguish him from every other human in Equestria stories.

 

Don’t believe me. Well, let’s look at the checklist.

 

1: Mysteriously appears in Equestria by some random bullshit.

 

2: Is somehow more of an expert in everything than the main characters.

 

3: Has to explain that he is clearly dangerous even though he has shown no signs of such a thing.

 

4: Is easily taken in by a group of multicolored ponies even though they have never seen anything like him before and would obviously have a million questions.

 

5: Easily accepts that he is in a world of multicolored ponies because their life in the real world is so terrible that they can’t live there anymore and ultimately fall in love with Equestria.

 

Keep an eye on those numbers. They will be going up.

 

“I have a name,” I smiled. “My name is William

 Mary Sue.

 

As strange as that may sound, it actually does mean something."

 

6: A name that has significance even though it’s just a god damn name and really doesn’t have any impact on who you are as a person.

 

Also, something that is atrocious in this story is the formatting. The sentences are all scrunched together leaving absolutely no breathing room. And honestly, it’s a little distracting. You have an ‘enter’ key on your keyboard! Use it more than once! Use it at least twice to separate your paragraphs! It makes it easier to read than a fucking wall of text!

 

So, they go to Twilight's house to figure out where he came from and how he got here.

“It doesn’t make sense!” she yelled, her wings flailing out in her frustration. “Humans aren’t supposed to exist! They’re all mythological!”

 

Wait, what?! You mean to tell me that Twilight Sparkle went on that adventure to the human world and doesn’t believe that humans can exist! Is that really what you expect me to believe?!

 

What?! Did she just dream up the events that happened in Equestria Girls?! … Well, I wish I had, but what the hell?! Does she think that the human world she went to was just an illusion?! That is was some work of fiction?!

 

If so, they why the flying fuck did she care that she kept the element from Sunset Shimmer?! The world wasn’t real! The characters there weren’t real! And by that logic, the threat wasn’t real! So there is nothing for Twilight to care about in that world if it was just a figment of her imagination and I don’t think that’s how it worked!

 

You claim to be a much bigger fan of the show than anyone you know, but I’m sorry, I’m not convinced! I am not convinced! There is no way you could be a fan of the show and not realize this! My guess is, you watched the trailer for the movie, watched a bunch of clips on Youtube about the characters and decided to write this. You need to do proper research before writing something. If you aren’t going to put the time and effort into doing the research for what you are writing about, don’t write about it! It would be like me doing a homework assignment on Abraham Lincoln, but not even putting forth the effort into figuring out who he was and what he did.

 

Critique: Ms. Princess Celestia, I wrote my report on Abraham Lincoln.

 

Celestia: Critique, this just says that he was a human who did something.

Critique: Yeah, he totally was that one human who did that one thing and he was totally radical!

 

Celestia: Well, what did he do?

Critique: You know? That thing… That thing that he did… That made him famous...  And that’s why he’s awesome!

Celestia: I understand that, my dear, but what did he do?

 

Critique: He… lived a long happy life?

 

 

Celestia: You’re getting an ‘F’.

 

Here’s an idea. DO SOME RESEARCH!

So, Twilight asks Mary-Sue for his name.

 

“William,” I stated proudly. “It means chosen guardian.”

 

 

Who talks like this?! I don’t go around and say what my name means when I introduce myself! But you know who does? People who think they are more important than everyone else! They are so important that you need to know every aspect of their lives and who they are and what their names mean and what their favorite color is and what kind of breakfast they had two weeks ago and… WHO THE FUCK CARES?!

It’s not the author wanting us to love the characters; it’s the characters making us love them by being characters! The characters that I love in film, games, books, and other forms of media don’t shout to the audience, “Love us! Love us!” We fall in love with these characters because they act like normal characters! They act like people! This character does not act like that! He acts like he wants the audience to love him because the author loves him!

 

Now, there’s no problem with loving your character, but they need to be an actual character! Not a tool for your fantasies! This character, like most of the others before him, is just a tool! He’s just a tool for the author to live out his dreams of falling in love with the main character, but we’ll get to that in a minute!

“Humans don’t get cutie marks” I explained. “We never get any indicator as to what our special talent is. We’re forced to search on our own using trial and error.”

 

Yeah, because as we all know, ponies are just handed (or hoofed in this case) their cutie marks. They never get their cutie marks through trial and error. Nope. Never not once do ponies ever have to actually struggle in their efforts to discover who they really are and who they want to be. Nope. Never has happened in the show. Never…

 

 

 

Oh, hello, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo. How are you three today? Still working on those cutie marks?

 

That doesn’t sound easy or fun,” Twilight butted in.

 

“You bet your purple plot it ain’t” I grumbled.

 

Lord, I hate this character.

 

So, Mary-Sue explains that he doesn’t remember how he arrived in Equestria (translation; the author hasn’t come up with a way that isn’t completely stupid yet) and Twilight explains that they were about to have a celebratory holiday concerning Starswirl’s birthday. And it wouldn’t be a Mary-Sue story without Mary-Sue being invited to the party. Sure, why not?

 

He starts to scan the library for books when he finds a book on the Binding of Isaac, which is actually a video game in our world.

 

Sure, why not? Makes about as much sense as Equestria being the same world as Final Fantasy 7 and Sephiroth being an Islamic deity. (Don’t ask.)

 

Shaking it off as a coincidence, I plucked the book from its snug place on the shelf between the end of one shelf and another book whose title I didn’t bother looking at (or yet anyways).

 

Gee, I wonder if that book will play any significant part in this story. I am truly wondering. This story is truly keeping me on my toes and is keeping me guessing.

 

 

 

So, it turns out that more of human work was found in Twilight’s library. Like “Assassin’s Creed.” Because, clearly ponies are not capable of making good fiction. (Though you’re one to talk, Mr. I can’t write a decent character to save my life, or come up with an original plot and instead use an overly cliché plot.)

 

The festival was all-out. They did pretty much everything they could to make it fun.

 

Wow, this party is just awesome! I mean we are doing… um… we are… We are having fun by doing… um…

 

What the fuck are we doing that is fun?! Is this fun?!

 

Yeah, that looks like fun, doesn’t it?! Because that’s what’s going through my head right now!

 

What’s that? Not what you had in mind?

 

THEN EXPLAIN IT, YOU IDIOT!

Show us what is happening! Don’t tell us they are having fun! Show us that they are having fun! Are they throwing darts?! Riding roller-coaster?! Burning people at the stake?! I don’t give a flying shit what they are doing! I’d just like some God-damn clarity!

Eventually, Rainbow Dash caught up with us and joined in. Me and Rainbow Dash didn’t have too much in common, but we were still able to have a nice conversation which was certainly a nice change from just watching.

 

Yes, enjoy the conversation between Mary-Sue and Rainbow Dash. Enjoy their conversation, guys. See how their words connect with one another, giving us a deeper understanding of the characters. Enjoy it to your heart’s content.

 

 

 

So, Mary-Sue enjoys the party… I guess… and starts talking to Twilight. When suddenly who should appear…

 

 

 

Trixie!





 

 

 

Mary-Sue, Twilight and Rainbow Dash approach Trixie and ask her why she is here.

 

“Why, Trixie is simply here because Trixie is HOMELESS!” Trixie responded sarcastically.

 

Wait… so, she doesn’t need a home? There’s a difference between responding snarky and responding sarcastically. Guess what? You picked the wrong one! Good for you!

 

Twilight shook herself out of a daze from hearing something she hadn’t thought of first from a human and whispered to me, “Don’t bother talking with her, William. She can’t be trusted at all.”

 

What the flipping hell?! Did we forget that Trixie was under mind control from the alicorn amulet and that she has basically reformed her ways asking forgiveness from Twilight?! Even if you don’t count Equestria Girls as canon, the fucking episode Magic Duel is still canon, you twit!

 

The episode aired on December 1^st of 2012. This chapter was written a whole year later! And on top of that, you said that Twilight has her wings at this point! So, why the fucking hell does that episode not have any relevance to what is going on here?! Did Twilight just forget that Trixie was under mind control from the alicorn amulet or something?!

 

I wonder what other important things she’ll forget. Maybe that Discord is on their side, or that Babs Seed is an unofficial Cutie Mark Crusader, or hell, why don’t we go all the way and make her forget that she’s a princess now.

 

There’s a thing called your brain… try using it!

So, Mary-Sue tries to explain that Trixie is simply misunderstood, even though Twilight and her friends should already know that, but hey, we need to make Twilight and every other character in the story look bad, even though it makes no fucking sense, so we can make Trixie and Mary Sue look good! That’s good storytelling for you!

Trixie wants to take Mary-Sue away and Twilight and Rainbow Dash are unrealistically overprotective of him. To which Mary-Sue snaps at them.

 

7: Inability to be wrong and other characters (except for the love interest) inability to be correct unless it is siding with the character.

 

“You gals have showed me a good time and I had fun tonight, so thank you, but I’m going to go with Trixie.”

 

What good time?! You haven’t done anything?! All we’ve seen you do is yell at them for no good reason! And what do you mean ‘good time’?! Did you have pony sex with them or something?! It’s the only thing missing from this Mary-Sue story!

 

It was so quiet between me and Trixie that it was almost painful.

 

Now, you know what I’m going through by reading this.

 

So, they make their way to the Neverfree Forest.

 

No… that’s not a typo. They make their way to the Neverfree Forest.

 

… … … Look… I’m not opposed to creating new places for Equestria. Sometimes you need to make places that haven’t be introduced yet. I get that. But… this… is the most unimaginative thing I have ever seen. Seriously? The Neverfree Forest? Are you fucking kidding me? Are you out of your mind with stupid? That is the single dumbest thing I have ever… No, that’s the single dumbest thing, period. The pinnacle of stupid. There are no other words that you can use to describe out uncreative this is!

 

And what is the Neverfree Forest? Well, I’ll let the author explain…

 

I know you probably don’t know what the Neverfree Forest is, and I didn’t either. It just pops up on you. At one moment we were walking in cold frosty darkness and the next moment, there’s sunlight beating down on us through the branches of healthy green-leafed apple trees. It was like walking from one season to the next. Trixie could notice my reaction to it so she explained that the Neverfree Forest was the opposite of the Everfree Forest.

 

 

 

Well, assuming that you didn’t click on the back button to read something else, we see that Mary-Sue went with Trixie because he wants to make her a better pony. Because clearly that is something that Twilight Sparkle and her friends are incapable of doing, except for one, slight problem…

 

THEY DID IT IN THE FUCKING SHOW, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!

 

I know I’m dwelling, but the fact that he had to state that

Believe me, I am a HUGE fan of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. Bigger than the majority of people I know who watch the show.

 

But, clearly he isn’t, because he doesn’t even know or respect what the source material has set up for him! The characters act like the author doesn’t give a shit about it and wants to manipulate the characters to his own ends! It goes back to the tools thing!

The only purpose for any character to be in this story is to get the author what he wants! And that’s Trixie sweet ass!

 

That’s it, people! That’s the whole damn story! But there’s a lot more stupid that I can comment on, so let’s just move on!

So, Trixie decides to show Mary-Sue a doorway that leads to a labyrinth, which she created. Yeah… she created a labyrinth for herself, but has no way of making an actually home or place to stay… What?

 

So, they hear a creature coming for them (which is never explained or revealed and plays no significance to the story, but hey the author doesn’t care, so why should I?) and Mary-Sue and Trixie find themselves trapped inside.

 

She was crying uncontrollably. “No! This maze is supposed to be unescapable! We’re gonna die in here!”

 

Wait, you made a maze that you couldn’t escape? You built the god-damn maze, Trixie! How the fucking hell can you not get out of it?! You designed the damn thing! You have to know all of its secrets!

And for that matter, why the hell were you showing Mary-Sue your maze anyway?! Were you planning to lock him in it for all eternity?! Did everypony in this world take stupid pills when they woke up this morning or was that just the writer?!

 

Urgh… My brain is starting to hurt. I think this story is giving me a brain tumor.

 

So, Trixie guides Mary-Sue through the maze (which is what I just ranted about) and Mary-Sue sees the triangle insignia from Assassin’s Creed. He then goes on about how he loves Assassin’s Creed and how everything about it is sweet and… What the fucking hell does this have to do with the fucking plot?!

 

 

So, Mary-Sue figures out the riddle to get one of the keys, because he’s so god-damn special he can just do that. And they are on their way to getting out of the maze. Also, Trixie designed the maze herself! How can she not know the answers to the fucking riddles when she made the damn things herself?!

Night falls and Trixie and Mary-Sue start to discuss their options. And of course, it wouldn’t be a Mary-Sue story without our Mary-Sue instantly relating to Trixie’s problems even though they clearly don’t make any sense and just comes out of nowhere and is never fully developed.

 

How bad is it? Well, let’s dig into it a little bit to find out.

 

“And it isn’t fun, not at all. I have anxiety because I spent the majority of grade school days alone.”

 

Ah, yes. Your grade school days that we never see, are never reminded of, or are never mentioned again. And in no way do we see how they shape you. We are told about them, but we never actually see that. Yes, indeed those days were truly difficult for you because you told us that it was and no reason else.

 

“I constantly made an ass of myself in front of everyone and that’s why nobody was ever with me, really.

 

Ah, yes. Indeed you making an ass of yourself has truly shown its colors in this story when you… um… you… Saved Trixie from a monster? No, that can’t be it. Um… Read through Twilight’s library? No, that’s not it either. Um… Had pony sex with Twilight and Rainbow Dash?... I’m sorry… what kind of humiliating things did you do again?

“That’s why we all need at least one good friend by our side. Being alone is actually REALLY unhealthy, too.

 

Hm… you seem to be a tad confused. As I recall in the first chapter of the story, you called out to your friends, who just to reiterate are not really your friends and leave you totally alone, to come and help you. Now, most of you would think that this is stupid because if they aren’t your friends then why would you call them out of everyone you know to help you, but what you fail to realize is that I am using my scarf as a means of which to hang myself. And that makes it all better.

 

So, of course, Trixie buys this bullshit and they spend the night cuddling together.

 

Morning finally comes and Mary-Sue starts his morning routine.

 

My morning routine is mundane, so I’m not gonna bother explaining that in detail.

 

… Then why the fuck did you even bring it up? What was the point?! Why would you even mention that if you aren’t going to bother on exploring on it?! It’s pointless!

 

Wait, I take that back, if he started explaining it, it would just make the story that much longer, so I’ll take what I can get.

 

I began to let my mind wander… sure enough it wandered to the darker subjects on my mind like, what would become of my human friends? What are they doing now?

 

Ah, yes. The human friends that you supposedly don’t have. You keep switching back and forth between either you have friends or you don’t have friends! Make up your fucking mind! I’ve seen games of pong that don’t go back and forth as much as you!

What became of my physical being in the human world?

 

What?! What do you mean happened to your physical being in the human world?! Are you not your physical being here?! Are you in a dream?! Is this some kind of fantasy your mind made up?! If so, why do you care about what is happening?! It’s not real! None of the characters are real! The maze isn’t real! So why the flying fuck do you give a damn?!

 

What if I were to meet my OC Reaper here?

 

Oh and here’s a good joke. His OC’s are so great and such well-rounded characters, that he is under the delusion that his characters are good enough to be considered canon. Fucking ridiculous! A three year old could develop a better character than you! And she would most likely just make a copy of Twilight Sparkle and stick her own name on it!

 

That’s how bland, boring, and unoriginal your character is! And I very much doubt Reaper is going to be anything different!

“Morning,” she uttered softly. It was unlike her to talk so… lightly. Was she… nah! That’s something that would happen in a bad fanfiction!

 

Ha, ha, ha! That’s funny because this is a bad fanfiction! Oh, that’s beautiful. That’s the best line in this story. And it’s only because the author finally realized he was writing shit, so he decided to say, “Screw you guys. I’m writing shit.”

 

Well, that or he's under the delusion that if he says he's not writing crap than that automatically makes it not crap. ... Yeah, that doesn't work like that.

 

So, Mary-Sue tells Trixie everything about his life and thankfully the author is too lazy to go into depth into this conversation, so we never learn about him, giving us a sense of connection to him. That’s so freaking awesome. I’m so glad that Trixie knows everything about him and not the audience, who is probably who you want to hear his life story, but after making your character so uninvesting and so uninteresting that there is no one left to read it. Great writing!

So, they continue to make it through the maze when they come across another trial. But Trixie says she didn’t place it.

 

And Mary-Sue finds a message that is the lyrics to Prayer to a Refugee, because the author has clearly run out of ideas and wants to fill up this story with as much padding as possible. This wouldn’t be so bad if it gave us insight into the characters and the story, but nope. All it does is remind me that I could be spending my time doing something more entertaining.

And apparently, the song is so touching and so powerful that it actually makes Trixie start crying…

Wow… I like Rise against, but… wow… That is pushing the stupid meter to about 11. Wow. I’m glad that Trixie has an emotional connection to a song in the human world and not the actually CHARACTER SHE IS SUPPOSED TO BE FALLING IN LOVE WITH!

He then has a panic attack, but eventually calms down. When Trixie asks him why he was having a panic attack, Mary-Sue explains…

“I just have… so many questions,”

 

Like?

 

“The only reason I have them is because I was put under a lot of mental distress all at once a few months ago…

 

Okay, that’s all well and good, but what kind of questions do you have?

 

I had a HUGE panic attack. I’ve started having smaller ones regularly whenever I get worried about something.

 

Yeah, I gathered, but what is bothering you that would cause you to have a panic attack?

 

They’re normally pretty small, but that one was big.”

 

Forget it, I don’t fucking care anymore.

 

They come across another trail where they have to solve a riddle. And here’s something great for you. The answer to the riddle is panic attacks.

 

…

 

Starting to see why this is worse?

 

Everything … Everything in this story revolves around this character! The trails are all specially designed to make sure that only Mary-Sue can figure them out! Because he is so great and wonderful and everything about him should be loved!

 

That is exactly the opposite of what a good story does! A good story takes a character and puts them in a situation that can overwhelm them or they don’t have the talents or abilities to succeed and its them adapting through trial and error to find a way to overcome the challenges. It’s learning new skills to overcome the trail. Turning weaknesses into strengths, being creative with what talents you can use. This story never does that. This story just puts the character in a situation where no matter what he does or what he says, he’s never wrong and is never challenge by anything.

 

That is not interesting. That’s not investing. It’s just fantasy fulfillment. For all his talk of ‘trial and error’, there doesn’t seem to be much of that going on. It just seems a lot of ‘error’ is going on. … Hey, that’s still better than every single joke in this story.

 

So, we come to another trail and is basically glanced over with Mary-Sue’s wave of his pinkie and they get another key.

 

They decided to make camp for the night and of course, Mary-Sue gets Trixie ass. Wow, you are really pushing the envelope on creativity. Next you’ll be telling me that he dies in her arms (forelegs, but whatever). It wouldn’t be any more far ‘fetched than anything else you’ve written.

 

15 minutes. Well, that’s enough for a romantic interest. 15 minutes together and they are already cuddling. I give it 5 minutes before they start having sex. Now, some of you might think that this is incredibly stupid and forced since relationships don’t work that way, but what you fail to realize is I’m holding a knife to my forearms and that makes it all better.

 

We then get an author’s note and this is a great author’s note! Are you ready for it? Because this author’s note going to totally blow your fucking mind! Are you ready? You ready?

 

 

As short of a story as it is, it still reflects a lot on who I am and gives you an insight on my stupidity and intelligence (in their rightful places, of course) as well as how I relate to some of the characters in the show and a little of my own backstory.

 

… … … … Actually… no. No, it doesn’t. First off, name one time you have actually been stupid. That’s right! You can’t! There has never been one move where it clearly said, you made the wrong choice! Every time you make a choice you choose the right one! There is no challenge to you! There is no depth to you! I would get more depth from a paperclip than I would you!

 

Second, you never show off anything resembling intelligence. Instead, you make pop culture references and bad jokes. You show everything about what you like or what is relevant to your life, distancing everything around you as unimportant. Everything that doesn’t pertain to you is not important and is uninteresting and has no place in the world.

 

Third, you never actually show any of your backstory to us! Yeah, you TELL us what your backstory is, but you never actually show these events! You never actually describe them to us! You never once tell us why we should give a rat’s ass about your problems except for “I’m the author and you better believe what I say.” That’s not good writing!

Oh, and take a gander at this…

 

Yes, this is entirely self-insert, the name, the backstory, the friends, the panic attacks, the peanut, the Patrick (the references from SpongeBob that I make because of Soundspeed).

 

… Let me make one thing perfectly clear. I am not opposed to self-insert in fan fiction or storytelling.

 

 

 

… Hear me out.

 

I am not opposed to it as long as it is done well and it is done right. I am under the belief that any story can work if it is done right. If it is done for the right reason. But this! This is a fucking joke. That’s all this story is to its author! A joke. Never once caring about the source material. Never once caring about the characters. Never investing his time and effort into making the story. And if the author doesn’t care about it, why should the audience care about it?

So, anyway…

 

They get to the great door where they start putting in the keys to get out of the labyrinth. When suddenly, he has another panic attack.

 

But Trixie is able to calm him down by confessing her love to him. I would say that this is stupid sense the audience can’t relate with this decision, but I’ve frankly given up and now I’m going to finish this story, so I can drown myself in something.

They finally find the next key and get out of the labyrinth. Twilight and Rainbow Dash attack the two, for no damn reason and end up killing Mary-Sue.

8: Mary Sue dies in arms (or forearms in this case) of the one he loves.

Twilight and Rainbow Dash, despite you two being completely out of character, you are now my favorite characters in the show!

 

 

 

But it turns out that it was all a dream this whole time as he wakes up in a hospital room.

 

 

I think we all know what kind of rating this fic deserves…

 

 

This is one of the hardest stories I’ve ever had to read. And that’s a feat. Believe me, that is a spectacular feat.

 

The characters are bland, boring, stale and the repeated Mary-Sue story that I’ve read a million times in the past. There is nothing to distinguish this character from every other character. There is nothing that makes him unique, nothing that makes me convinced that this person would be at all interesting in real life. If I had to judge this person just on the details in this story, he would probably be the more boring, uninteresting person in the world, who talks about nothing, but how great he is.

 

The plot is a joke, with plot holes the size of Mount Rushmore. You could literally take years to climb the damn plot holes this thing generates and never get anywhere.

 

Some of the things that are mentioned are a waste of our time. The pop culture references, the unnecessary OC mentioning, the labyrinth, all a big fucking waste.

 

The descriptions, at some points I admit, were decent at best. But for every decent description in the story, we have 100 more that was just lazy, uninteresting and an overall bore to sit through.

 

This is the absolute worst human in Equestria story I have ever read. Why? Because the author didn’t care. He just threw it together. Didn’t give a shit! Didn’t care and you can’t do that when writing a story! You have to invest something! This comes especially sad because this is a self-insert! The author can’t even keep himself interesting with his own life story! That’s how boring this person really is! And if the author can’t even care about his own life, why should the audience?!

 

Fuck this story!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go meet with Al cohol, because that is what this story makes you want to do. Have a great day guys!

 

 

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Hey, guys. After much coercing by my computer, I have decided to give my thoughts on Amazing Spider-Man 2. This will be spoiler free so feel free to read it if you haven’t seen the movie.

 

Honestly, this was a very confusing movie to judge. It was very difficult for me to say whether I liked it or not. I think I liked it. I know that’s very confusing, but there is just so much that I either liked or I really didn’t like.

 

At first when the movie starts, I started thinking “Yeah, this is going to be an awesome Spider-Man movie” but as the movie went on, it just dragged on forever and ever. It felt so damn cluttered because there were so many things that needed to be explained or so many plots going on in the story. It was cluttered because of too much plot. Not because of the villains, there was still one central villain in the story. There was just too much damn plot that it took away from the fact that, I just wanted a good Spider-Man story told.

 

This movie delivered on the action. When Spider-Man is doing everything you’d expect him to do, that was really cool. It was everything that I wanted him to do. He was funny, he was serious, he was badass, he was a dork. He was everything Spider-Man should be. Andrew Garfield did such an amazing job as Peter Parker. I know some of you are probably loyal to Tobey Maguire and he definitely looks the part of Peter Parker, but he never felt like Peter to me.

 

And to be fair, even when Amazing Spider-Man 1 came out, I wasn’t sure how I felt about Andrew playing Spider-Man. But this movie convinced me otherwise. I felt Andrew Garfield was a great choice.

 

Emma Stone, once again, a great Gwen Stacy. A very great choice to play her. I loved the interaction between her and Peter. It felt like they had so much chemistry together and they interacted well and … It just felt like one of the few times in superhero movies that, the love story felt natural. It just felt real and it felt right. They had so much chemistry together and I loved that. And as the character, I fucking loved her.

 

Sally Field as Aunt May. I fucking love this woman! She has so much energy and is so funny and brings so much emotion into this. I fucking love this woman as Aunt May! The interactions between her and Peter are just so great and so real and I believe every second of it. They act just like an overprotective mother and a kid who wants to try and do things on his own with the added twist that he’s secretly a superhero. And the interactions between the two are so very good and I loved every second the two were on screen together.

 

Jamie Foxx as Electro. I’ll admit for a long time, I thought this was a terrible casting choice. But… when I saw the movie, he actually did a pretty good job. I know there’s not a lot to Electro’s character, but in the movie, it was pretty well done.

 

Dean Deehan as Harry Osborn. He was great. The casting was great. It was fantastic.

 

However, the story is where it starts to fall apart a little bit. Like I said, it dragged on and on for like more than half the movie. Everything is being explained and foreshadowed to you of what is going to happen. It’s basically all just set up for the next film. I can’t go into detail without spoiling anything and that makes this a really hard film to talk about.

 

If you’re a Spider-Man fan or have read any of the comics, you will kind of be able to figure out a lot of the plot points and maybe they will piss you off and maybe they won’t. But if you’re just a casual viewer, I don’t want to say you won’t enjoy it, because there is something to be enjoyed, but you will be overwhelmed because there is so much stuff they are throwing at you.

 

And to be honest, I … liked the movie, a little bit. There was a lot that kept me from loving it. The overabundance of plot points that are introduced, the fact that everything is exposition and that they are trying to fit everything in this 2 hour and a half movie and it can’t work that way.

 

But there are things that do salvage it. Spider-Man is a smartass again. Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy’s relationship is great. Peter Parker and Aunt May’s relationship was great. Andrew was great. Emma Stone was great. The action was great. There was just so much that I loved or that I hated and it just juggles between that.

 

So, overall… there is something to enjoy in this movie. If you are looking for an action film, you’ll probably, maybe enjoy it, a little. If you are a fan of the comics, I think there is enough fan service to get you through it and you can say “Yeah, it was a fun film.”

 

And honestly, it was fun and I’m glad I did see it, but it wasn’t the best Spider-Man film out there. Spider-Man 2 is still the best, which is really too bad, because I wanted this one to be the Spider-Man film of all Spider-Man films, but we still don’t have that yet.

 

That’s my review. Let me know what you think of Amazing Spider-Man 2. Take care.