One Winged Pony

Warning: This review contains course language. View Discretion is advised.

Hello, everypony. I am the Critique.


One of my favorite gaming franchises of all time is Final Fantasy. It’s fun gameplay, interesting characters and story, catchy music and just overall fun to be had is what I enjoy the most. While I do have my personal opinions on the best Fantasy *cough* Final Fantasy 6 is the best. *cough*, some would feel that the best Final Fantasy to date is number 7.

And I can see why. With compelling characters, a great customization as far as the battle system, an intriguing story with plenty of twists and turns that keep you guessing and a fantastic score by Nobuo Uematsu, who is the genius behind creating the majority of the game’s greatest music. (Although a pony could have probably done it better. After all, we are God’s messengers of melody)

But there is one character of all the great characters in the story that stands out above the rest and that is the One Winged Angel himself, Sephiroth!

Sephiroth is the main villain of Final Fantasy 7 and arguably the most popular of all the villains in the series. His dark persona, threatening presence, long white hair and even longer deadly blade make him an easily recognizable villain.

He is a ruthless killer who seeks to create a new utopia in the world by destroying the world that already exists and become a god in the process. He plans to feed off the energy that will be released by dead beings that inhabit the world called the Lifestream. To accomplish this, he summons a powerful meteor that will annihilate all life on the planet and cause a large part of the planet to be damaged. The Lifestream energy would then gather in hopes of keeping the planet alive so that life could one day begin again, where Sephiroth would consume the Lifestream, leaving the world a dying husk with Sephiroth free to create whatever life he wanted.

However, Cloud, the hero of said story, and his allies are able to stop his plans from destroying their world.

So, let me ask you this? Does a psychopathic killer who is bent on destroying all life, so that he can become a god, sound like he would be threatened by a world with multi-colored ponies?

… That was not the reaction I was expecting… Anyway, I’m not opposed to crossovers. In fact, some of my stories are crossovers…. I didn’t say they were good crossovers.

But, I’ve wasted enough of your time. Let’s dig into One Winged Pony by Syeekoh

Again, there are spoilers for this story. If you have not read it yet and you would like to, turn back now. As for the rest of you.

So our story begins with Celestia calling the main 6 to deal with a catastrophe. Just a normal day in the land of Equestria.

Rainbow Dash mentions it being an unruly dark cloud… Wait, what?

When does Rainbow Dash say unruly?

"This is about the unruly black cloud over Ponyville, right?" Rainbow Dash piped up, her demeanor as eager as ever.

I admire her extension into her vocabulary, but that line needed to be about… yeah, you all know where I’m going with this. Don’t pretend like you don’t.

So, the others express what problems the black cloud has been causing, from nearly ruining the Zap Apple Harvest to mildly inconveniencing Rarity by blacking out her windows. Which Rarity takes about as well as you could expect.

Twilight tells the others that she discovered, thanks to her time with a cult, that she was able to figure out that this was… Wait, a cult? What cult? We never saw a cult! Why is she in a cult?! That doesn’t make any sense! When did she join a cult?! It’s the first fucking chapter, dude! When the freaking heck did you establish that she was in some sort of cult?!

Twilight’s friends are as shocked as we are to find out that Twilight is in a cult, except for Fluttershy, who we find out is also in a cult. Again, I refer you to the freak out I had when Twilight said the same damn thing!

So, it turns out that Fluttershy’s cult was worshiping the color Blue. I am not making this up, guys. I’m sure this will be relevant to the plot later.

So after that bit of filler, even to which Princess Celestia has to facehoof herself, Twilight explains that a religious group called the Qlappalists had been attempting to bring a powerful being into their world by the name of Etz Khayyim.  (By the way, the Qlappalists. Yeah, they’re totally pointless. Just like a lot of things in this story, but I’ll get to that later)

Celestia exposits that Etz Khayyim is the Hebrew word for “Tree of Life”. However, after looking up the word we find out that Etz Khayyim is spelled wrong. I don’t know if there are flexible spellings for this word, but from what I found Etz Hayim or sometimes Etz Chaim is the correct spelling.
And what does the tree of life have to do with Sephiroth from Final Fantasy 7? There was no tree of life in the game. I don’t know, maybe it was in the seven billion expansions to the game.

So, Celestia explains that, while in heaven, she was able to breathe life into the earth… I think. This story is incredibly difficult to read. There is not much describing going on, so I can’t tell what the freaking heck is going on or even who is talking at the moment!

Twilight blinked. "What do you mean, 'send their minds?' How does that even...wait, we're getting off track. What does Etz Khayyim have to do with the black cloud over Ponyville and why are we dreaming about it overlaid with-what is the"

What is the… the what? Are you going to finish that sentence, Twilight? There is no punctuation, so I am assuming you are still talking. Twilight? Twilight? Aw, screw it.

"A sword." Celestia replied matter-of-factly.

 

Everypony stared at her.

 

"A greatsword, actually, wielded once by a renowned warrior who fused with the planet in an attempt to destroy it."

 

Rainbow Dash said, "What now? This is a metatarsal or something, right?"

 

"Do you mean perhaps 'metaphor'? A metatarsal is a wingtip bone-"

 

"So-o-o-ry, Miss Know-it-all Twilight. I'm not a walking dictionary like you-"

Wait, if Celestia is supposed to be the one talking, why the hell are you yelling at Twilight, Rainbow Dash? And if Twilight is talking, how is the reader supposed to know that?! There are at least seven characters in the room! If there was just two characters talking back and forth, yeah that would be one thing, but there are seven characters who have dialogue. Help us keep track of them!

So, Celestia reveals that Sephiroth was a being that infected the planet and that Celestia used her powers to keep him at bay. Wait… he just made the My Little Pony world, the same world that Final Fantasy 7 takes place in…

"Sephiroth is the name of the infection upon this planet-"

 

"You mean how Nightmare Moon infected Luna?"

 

"Y-yes, Pinkie I suppose that to be an apt similarity to draw. His return would cause chaos-"

How the hell are we supposed to know who the hell is talking?! I know you said the names of the characters, but you keep doing that throughout the entire story! People do not talk that way! I do not say someone’s name when I am talking directly to them! This is worse than talking head syndrome! At least, I could see the heads of the characters I know are talking!

For those of you who don’t know, talking head syndrome is when a group of characters are in a long line of dialogue with no action being taken by either party. It’s just line of dialogue after line of dialogue, making the audience think that is it just two or more severed heads delivering their lines. This is not a play! We can’t see the actors in front of us! You have to bring the show to life by making them move with your words!

So after Celestia explains how important it is to defeat Sephiroth, Twilight and the others begin their journey.

Oh, god, I wish.

The characters attempt to stop the dark cloud, but prove unable to. Rarity suggests using Vinyl Scratch’s subsonic sound projector… Wait what?

So they use the subsonic sound projector, which Vinyl explains that is how she cleans her dishes, which makes no sense mind you, to attack the dark cloud.

The attack proves ineffective, as is the pacing of the story. It’s way rushed and you’re not allowed anytime to get a sense of what is going on. Everything is kind of thrown at you really fast, without given a chance to catch your breath.

And again, we see a lot more of the talking head syndrome. There needs to be action going on in this story! This is a battle against a dark cloud hovering above Ponyville! There needs to be some kind of action going on! All your characters are doing are telling us what is happening instead of showing us what is happening!

So it turns out that the music doesn’t affect the evil cloud and it just keeps growing in mass. We then get this pointless scene in an attempt to add some humor to the story, but all it does it make me roll my eyes.

"What is it, girls? Is there something on my face?"

 

They shook their heads.

 

Fluttershy brushed her hooves through her mane, "Is there something on my mane?"

 

They shook their heads.

 

"Oh no, is there something on my face AND my mane?"

 

They shook their heads in unison.

 

"Then what is it?"

Rainbow Dash lifted a hoof to point behind Fluttershy. Fluttershy turned her head back and caught sight of the cloud. "Oh, that's just a giant scary cloud-" she did a double take and screamed at the top of her lungs, "THAT'S A GIANT SCARY CLOUD OF EVIL OVER THE EVERFREE FOREST!!" and shot behind her friends, shivering in fear.

And I thought my jokes were terrible, especially since, we established that the dark cloud was still around!

So finally, the heroes decide to use the Elements of Harmony to solve their problem. Why didn’t they just start with that? At least with Discord and Chrysalis, it made sense why they couldn’t.

So, Twilight comes up with a plan to throw the dark cloud in an alternate dimension.

Wait a second, last chapter their plan was to use the Elements of Harmony to defeat it! And now, they are using this dimensional plan, which by the way makes no sense! Unless they are planning to use the mirror from the Crystal Empire, how in the hell is Twilight going to be able to send the dark cloud to another dimension?!

Oh, and here’s a load of crap for you. Twilight says that she’s going to toss the cloud into another dimension, making it that dimension’s problem! Rarity then states that the dimension that Twilight sends it to would most likely not have any life, since Luna and Celestia are the ones who created life.
That is the stupidest thing ever!

1: Are you saying that Celestia created all life in the world?! That she is basically a god?! Why doesn’t she just wiggle her nose and fix the problem?! Why the hell does she need Twilight to beat this dark cloud when she could probably do it with her hooves tied behind her back?!

2: There are equal number of dimensions that have life that don’t have life! There are literally infinite possibilities and you want to throw a cloud in another dimension, making it their problem! What if you send it to a dimension that doesn’t have a way to counteract it?! You would damn them to oblivion! The mirror from the Crystal Empire proves that there are just as many dimensions with life as there are without! And Twilight would never do that!

3: What about the worlds that didn’t need Celestia and Luna to sustain or create life?! Are Luna and Celestia just omnipresent in all dimensions?!

So, Twilight, somehow, tears a rift in the space-time continuum, with Rarity’s help… As she sings a song. … What the fuck? And pulls a pony out of the black cloud.

Rarity, it turns out know this song because she is a Soosi. So… what is a Soosi?

"I know that was hard for you, Rarity. I'm proud of you...if that's ok with you, I mean," Fluttershy said softly.

Wait, what is a Soosi?

Rainbow started, "Is it true that all Sooses have horns, even the non-unicorns?"

Applejack went on, "Is it true that ya use Celestian foal's blood in yer holiday crackers, and that ya control tha media?"

What the fucking hell is a Soosi?

Pinkie shot in with, "Is true you have a holiday called Ponykah where you have not one day of presents, but eight crazy nights!?"

WHAT THE FUCK IS A SOOSI?!

We then get an author’s note explaining the Soosi.

 The word "Soosi"  comes from the Hebrew for "horse", and the myths she debunks are Jews having horns, a very volitiale myth concerning Jews using the blood of Catholic children in their matzah in the middle ages, and an inflammatory false treatise called "The Protocols of the Elders of Zion"

While I do commend you for actually telling us what a Soosi is, why the fuck didn’t you explain it in the story?! Why is this so unimportant that this couldn’t be explored upon in the actual story?! If it is so unimportant that you resort to an author’s note explaining it, why the fuck did you even bring it up in the first place?! That is not good story telling! If you bring up something, make it relevant! If you don’t know how to make it relevant, cut it from the final draft! It’s called editing! If something doesn’t work or doesn’t have any purpose to the story, cut it out! It has no place in the story if it doesn’t help build the plot or the characters! It’s just wasting our time!

So they look for the pony Twilight dragged from the dimensional prison and find that he is a pony with a horn and a dark wing and a white wing. Hmm… I don’t remember Sephiroth having two wings in the original game.

Hm... I’m going to have to dock points for inaccuracies.

Our heroes take Sephiroth to a hospital to be treated for his injuries.

So you say you found him unconscious in the Everfree?" Doctor Caramel asked irritatedly. "What in Tartarus was an unidentified alicorn doing in the Everfree? And why didn't you bring him to Canterlot? They have much better facilities for treating alicorns!

Hey, this is my job, pal! If you want to point out the plot holes in this story, you’ll have to fight me for it!

So, yeah, they never really explain why they couldn’t just take Sephiroth to Canterlot. It’s not like it was a life or death situation. And even if it was, it was never explained in the story. So, how the hell are we supposed to know if it is a life or death situation without us even knowing how badly injured he is?!

So they go to his room and wake him up. Sephiroth is in shock to see world of talking ponies…

His voice eked out, "You're all...you're all...HORSES!"

He made Sephiroth… one of the most bad ass villains in all of Final Fantasy… screech like a 5 year old girl…

"fuck! Shit! Fuck, this isn't happening!" he swore as he stumbled out of bed onto his back hooves, slowly losing his balance as he fell down onto his front hooves.

And he made him a potty mouth… Well, at least this story can’t get much worse…

I know! He made up new words!" Pinkie exclaimed, "and I like them! Shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck! Shitty shitty fuck fuck, shitty shitty fuck!"

AND YOUR STORY SHOULD ROT IN HELL BECAUSE THAT IS HOW STUPID IT IS! AND THAT IS PUTTING IT MILDLY!

So, Sephiroth reveals his name to be Safer. Ha, ha, I get it, because the last enemy in the game is called Safer-Sephiroth. Ha, ha, ha. And for the rest of you who didn’t play the game, he just alienated you. How does that make you feel?

There, there… just let it all out.

"And I'm the P to the inkie, to the P-R-I-T-E, and come on Mister Safer, WON'T YOU PLEASE MAKE FRIENDS WITH ME??!!??" Pinkie wailed as she dove into the alicorn who could barely get a hoof up before she barreled him over onto the ground. "I'm Pinkalicious!" She said with a wink.

Ha, ha, ha. Again, that is a popular meme from the Friendship is Magic series. If you have not seen the videos, you are feeling alienated again, aren’t you?

Stop alienating your audience! You’ve already narrowed your story down to people who can actually stomach this crap and now you want to throw in jokes with people who are not familiar with the source material?!

Yes, there is the crossover tag, but how the hell is anyone supposed to know what the crossover is to? And if you say, “It’s in the title.” It’s not in the fucking title! One Winged Angel is the song that was created as the final fight against Sephiroth. The reason for the title of the song was because Sephiroth had one wing on his back… (And like 6 beneath his torso, but apparently those don’t count)

However, if someone was unfamiliar with that, they would not make the connection of One Winged Angel to Final Fantasy 7! All it would have taken is for you to say, “This is a Final Fantasy 7 crossover with MLP” and that would have dismissed confusion and you wouldn’t have people missing the references. (Well, you would, but at least they’d know where to go to get answers!)
So, Sephiroth, again a murdering psychopath with absolutely no mercy and a complete and total badass, tricks Twilight and her friends into helping him, by pretending to be a nice pony. Yes, apparently, Twilight and her friends are going to trust this stranger who they found in the middle of a DARK CLOUD THAT WAS TRYING TO KILL THEM!

Rarity then takes a liking to Sephiroth and offers to make him a complete ensemble. Sure why not? Pinkie Pie then sings her new friend a song… That I cannot hear! There is no reason for a song in this story! What the fucking hell?!

So after that pointless scene, in which Sephiroth gets a dark cloak and still, nopony notices that he is clearly evil! We get Twilight reading her latest letter, that she is going to send to Celestia, to Sephiroth. Why? I don’t know. Something has to motivate Sephiroth to go after Celestia. He couldn’t just look into the sky one morning before the sun rises and see her raising the sun and him wanting to know more about her that way. Nope, Twilight just has to exposited in front of him. I’m sure this won’t come back to bite her in the ass!

So, Sephiroth sends a letter to Celestia, revealing that he is here and if she doesn’t do exactly what he tells her to do, Sephiroth will kill Twilight.

Are you sure this is the same Sephiroth from Final Fantasy 7? Last I checked, Sephiroth wasn’t exactly subtle about any of his plans! He burned down and murdered an entire town all because he was pissed off at him being experimented on! He’s not some grand schemer that needs to hide behind a nice face! He manipulated the entire world to chase him and gather all his enemies in one spot in an effort to destroy them all at once. He manipulated his mother into doing his work for him, posing as this unstoppable evil that spread terror and death where ever he went! He didn’t need to make friends, he was a one man army!

Hell, what is his plan anyway?! As far as we know, Equestria does not follow the same rules as Sephiroth’s world, since Celestia recreated the world with the Tree of Life! So merging with the Lifestream is impossible! And even if it was, Sephiroth was only able to nearly destroy his world with an item called the ‘Black Materia’, a powerful gemstone that could summon a meteor that could end all life on their world! He doesn’t have access to it! There is no mention of it! So, what the hell is his plan?! It can’t to become an alicorn, he’s already one!

Logically, his plan would involve attacking the Tree of Life and attempting to steal it’s power, but that’s never mentioned! He makes no attempt to attack it or even find out what it is! Instead, he wastes his and our time by trying to trick Twilight and her friends into thinking he is some kind of nice guy! What the hell is stopping him from getting a knife and threatening Spike or some pony Twilight holds dear and demanding the location of the Tree of Life?!

Okay, I’m not getting anywhere like this and I’m more than halfway there, so let’s just end this.
So, Celestia wakes up … covered in blueberries? What the hell?

Apparently, Discord has captured both Celestia and Luna, even though it was clearly established that he was a good guy in the last chapter, but what do I know about consistency?

Discord threatens Celestia with… a banana?

Okay, this is officially the point where the author threw up his hooves and said “Screw it, I don’t care.” Don’t believe me, he’s just using jokes from the brony community that were popular for all of 2 seconds instead of actually putting thoughts into his jokes and trying to make them funny and relevant! And this just comes the fuck out of nowhere?! Why the hell does Celestia and Luna need to be trapped in blueberries for Discord to have a conversation about Sephiroth?!

I mean, what kind of person would just come up with random memes and use them as part of his story? What a stupid concept!

… … Oh, hello there kettle. I didn’t see you there.

Oh and the pointless banana joke. Don’t worry about that one. I’ll be getting back to that one later.
So, Celestia, Luna and Discord start to converse about what to do about Sephiroth. Why the hell did this warrant them referring to stupid memes?! Aw, fuck it! Let’s just get this over with!

"Safer Sephiroth...sounds like a video game villain to me. All Blam and no pizzaz," Discord spat out.

Get it… because he is a video game character… But if you’ve never heard of him, you wouldn’t know that… So that joke was not only stupid… it was pointless…

Then Luna says this line…

Dost he dare deceive Twilight Sparkle into ripping open the dimensional prison

How the hell was he able to generate a dark cloud over Equestria from a dimensional prison?! And yet have no access to his god like abilities when he is freed?! How did he even know that Twilight would free him by attempting to send the dark cloud to another dimension, instead of doing the sensible thing and actually DEAL WITH IT THEMSELVES?!

So, it is revealed that Sephiroth needs to destroy the planet due to an uncontrollable reflex of the being cloned from Jenova.

Sephiroth was not a clone of Jenova. He had Jenova cells injected into him while he was still in his mother’s womb. This caused him to be incredibly powerful! He was not cloned from another being! True, he was experimented on to become a super soldier and does have a severe God-complex, but he’s not a biological duplicate!

However, because he was injected with Jenova cells, believed himself to be a being Jenova’s son, as that is what he was told his mother’s name was.

And what is Jenova you ask? Jenova is an alien life form that came to Earth thousands of years before the events of the game. Jenova is a creature that spreads itself like a virus, infecting those it touches, turning them into monsters! It has the power to create illusions or create psychic links with those that it infects.

And why am I going into detail with this? Because the author botches this part of the story, by explaining that Jenova was manipulating Sephiroth to do evil deeds. That is not true. Jenova is simply an instinctive being, like an animal! It just does what it does because that’s what it is! Sephiroth is a human being with goals and ambitions! Sephiroth was manipulating Jenova to do his bidding, not the other way around.

So, Celestia, Luna and Discord (after butchering the backstory of Sephiroth) finally decided to talk about how to defeat him. However, it is revealed that they cannot simply kill Sephiroth as he is somehow connected to Equestria. If Sephiroth dies then Equestria dies.

How the hell is Sephiroth connected to Equestria?! Luna and Celestia were the ones to create all life on it! Did they make a deal with Sephiroth that they got to create all life, but if Sephiroth dies, the world ends?! That is really, really stupid!

They finally come up with the plan to banish him to the moon.

I wonder if that is how Celestia and Luna solve all their problems.

Pollution? Banish it to the moon!

Terrorists? Banish it to the moon!

Jealous sisters? Banish it to the moon!

Horribly written stories? Banish it to the moon!

We then cut to Applejack, who is showing Sephiroth all of the products the Apple Family makes. I don’t think they make products to sell. I think they sell apples to make products, but again, what do I know?

Applejack then shows Sephiroth her favorite “apple” product.

No, no. Not those kinds of apple products.

Get it? Because her name is Applejack… Ha, ha, ha…

Yeah, let me show you what Applejack’s favorite apple product is.

Baby Applejack is so adorable… I mean… um… Monster trucks and … other manly … stuff….

So, Applejack, Big McIntosh and Sephiroth start getting drunk. And now he’s turn Sephiroth into a drinker… God, I hate this story…

And then Applejack tells about the time she made out with her cousin, Braeburn. Oh, insensitive stereotypes, it’s a good thing we have you around. What else could cause a person to have zero respect for a poorly written story so quickly? Thank you, insensitive stereotypes, you’re the best!
We then cut to Rainbow Dash who is teaching Sephiroth how to fly. Even though, he could clearly fly with only one wing. I don’t see how two wings would be a problem.

During his lessons, Sephiroth explains that he was a soldier in a PMC and that’s why he has military training. He starts to ask questions about the defenses Equestria offers and Rainbow Dash of course tells him. (This will serve no purpose in the story later. Trust me.)

Celestia then arrives to greet Sephiroth with the most subtle way she can.

"Well, Sir Sefer, I give visits to all foreign dignitaries, and having one from a different dimension would be my delight!" almost growling out that last word. "My friends here in Ponyville have had nothing but nice things to say about you. I would like to confirm these things for myself. Would any of your new friends like to come along?" Celestia queried.

Okay, one, with that kind of subtly, you might as well hold up a big sign that says, “Safer is Evil!”. That would have been more subtle.

Two, why the hell are you endangering one of the ponies you care about by asking them to travel with a dangerous psychopath, who is holding your friends hostage?!
Get him alone and kick his ass, Celestia! What’s wrong with you?!

So, Sephiroth suggests that Fluttershy come with them, since he hasn’t had a chance to threaten her yet. Oh, wait that’s the real Sephiroth. Let me try that again… Since he hasn’t had a chance to befriend her yet. There we go. That’s far more accurate.

So, Sephiroth asks what Fluttershy does in the town and Fluttershy explains her passion.

"Well I have kitties and seals and otters, falcons, eagles, toucans and bats and flamingos, and a v-very cute flying squirrel." Fluttershy said, "but my favorite is my Angel bunny."

"Angelbunny?"

"Oh, no, no, no...his name is Angel, and he's a bunny. He's very much alive."

I don’t think that Sephiroth was thinking that Angel was a dead bunny. But considering the stupidity of this Sephiroth, maybe he did.

Anyway, they arrive in Canterlot and Discord does the only thing smart that the characters have done so far. He actually gets Fluttershy away from Sephiroth, so she is out of harm’s way. And why the hell couldn’t Celestia have done that?!

Whatever, the story is almost over.

So Discord disappears with Fluttershy, leaving just Sephiroth and Celestia.

Celestia let out a breath. "Now...Sephiroth."

 

"El," Safer Sephiroth replied, "or is it Adonai Elohim, or Adonai Eloheinu or Kadosh Barukh Hu? Perhaps El Shaddai-"

What is with the nicknames?! Why are they important?! Why does Celestia have them?! What do they serve to the fucking story?! Explain it! Explain it to me!

So, Celestia and Sephiroth start fighting, though I use that term loosely since the fight is so hard to follow, because it isn’t described very well.

How DARE you attempt to usurp the name of Israel for yourself!

How is Israel even involved in this?! You are in freaking Equestria! What does Israel have to do with anything?!

Luna, Discord and Fluttershy overhear the battle and proceed to just stand there and watch. You know Luna, you’re the little sister of Celestia. You are probably almost as powerful as her. You could probably help her out. And Discord, you are a god of chaos. You can control reality! You could probably help out too!

… You two are going to leave it to Celestia, aren’t you? Not going to help her at all? Okay then.
We cut to the main heroes where they are preparing a welcome to Equestria for Sephiroth. However, Luna arrives to tell them the truth about him.

We then get an author’s note explaining the religious references…

"Zion" is the legendary city on a hill from scripture,

The names that are used by Sephiroth translated are as follows:God, the Lord God, Lord our God, Holy One Blessed Be He, and God the Mighty. The name Celestia uses is God the Merciful.

 

Celestia refers to Israel because Jacob received the name Israel after wrestling with an angel in a dream, and pinning him successfully.

I am not a religious expert by any stretch of the imagination, so I can’t say what is right or wrong in this case. What I can say that it is stupid to include it when it serves no purpose to the overall story! It’s like you just put it in there just so that you could claim its deep, when really you’re just wasting our time! It’s not deep, it’s not clever and it’s making the story unnecessarily longer than it needs to be! You waste our time with this, when you could be developing the characters and the plot! If it doesn’t serve the story in anyway, don’t use it!

So, they set up the Super Sonic Sound Projector from earlier and they suggest the song from earlier to power the machine, instead of the Elements of Harmony. I would say how stupid this is, but I just want to get this story over with as quickly as possible.

However, Rarity says that she doesn’t know the song, but Sweetie Belle comes out of nowhere and claims that she does. Look, I like Sweetie Belle as much as the next pony, but where the fuck did she come from?! She hasn’t appeared once in this story and now she just pops out of nowhere with no rhyme or reason!

We then find out that Lyra, Silver Spoon, Cheerilee, and Derpy are also Soosi. And then Rainbow Dash and Applejack say probably the most offensive things I’ve ever seen.

"Ah thought Sooses're supposed ta be quick as whips. The othas ah understand-but Derpy...hoo-wee, ain't that somethin'!"

"Maybe the horn grew into her brain..." Rainbow mused.

So, they ready the sound projector to fire at Sephiroth, there some other stuff here, but frankly it’s pretty pointless to the story.

We cut back to the battle against Sephiroth, where Sephiroth hears the voices of the singers making their last effort to defeat him. He rushes to the source of the voice with Celestia not far behind.
We then get this scene…

"HEY SEPHIROTH, DO YOU LIKE BANANAS!?" Celestia bellowed out across the expanse.

"WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO WITH ANYTHING...LOOK, I DON'T KNOW, ALRIGHT?" Sephiroth shouted from behind the ball of energy.

"SO YOU DON'T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU LIKE BANANAS, HUH?" Celestia bellowed out, winking at Luna.

Luna piped up, a ball of energy collecting between the three beings, "THOU ART A CUR WHO DOST NOT KNOW WHETHER OR NOT THOU LIKEST BANANAS!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!?" Sephiroth yelled out.

Discord shouted out, "FORGIVE LUNA, SHE'S A LITTLE OLD FASHIONED. WHAT SHE MEANT TO SAY WAS 'YOU'RE A BITCH THAT DOESN'T KNOW WHETHER ON NOT HE LIKES BANANAS!'"

"YES, THAT'S RIGHT! THOU ART A, YOU ARE A BITCH THAT DOESN'T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU LIKE BANANAS!"

"YOU DARE MOCK ME!?" Sephiroth screamed out beyond the din of the flowing energy.

"SO YOU DON'T DENY BEING A BITCH THAT DOESN'T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT HE LIKES BANANAS?" Celestia shouted.

"I DENY YOU, FOUL MISTRESS OF HEAVEN!" Sephiroth yelled out as his black energy ball crackled, arcs of lightning shooting around it.

So, they finally send Sephiroth off to the moon and everypony starts rejoicing. Vinyl Scratch is even offered to be a knight in Canterlot and given all the perks.

And now you know the point of this story. This story was just a big love letter to Vinyl Scratch. I like Vinyl as much as any pony else, but she wasn’t even in the story to begin with! She wasn’t the main focus of the story and didn’t contribute anything, other than her equipment!

And before you all say, “Without the equipment, they would have lost”, I will give you that. But what about Cheerilee, Derpy, Sweetie Belle and Lyra?! In the story, the song starts to fail with just Rarity and Sweetie Belle, it is only after Lyra, Cheerilee and Derpy join in that Sephiroth is actually defeated! And hell, Sweetie Belle knew the song they needed to sing when Rarity didn’t!
Why aren’t they honored as well?!

This story isn’t nearly as bad as some others I’ve reviewed, but dear lord does it have serious problems!

The premise doesn’t make any sense! Why would you want Sephiroth to be in Equestria?! It doesn’t make any sense! For that matter, was this even Sephiroth to begin with?! Because it wasn’t the Sephiroth that I remember from the game! The real Sephiroth would have most likely burn down Ponyville as he would have play the nicety game. He’s a psychopath with no sympathy towards others and no remorse towards his actions.

Was he supposed to be an original villain, but you decided to use a popular villain instead? That would make this even more stupid! Why ruin a perfectly awesome villain by making him so cliché?!

The religious references were unnecessary since they at the end do not fit within the realms of either franchise! Neither the game, Final Fantasy, nor My Little Pony have anything to do with the religious references you mention, so they feel completely out of place here. And because they have no relevance to the plot or characters that couldn’t be found another way, they are pointless!

There is way too much talking head syndrome in this story! Characters aren’t given any actions or any feel to them! They are just floating heads that read their dialogue like a script instead of giving us actually movement to them, like an actually character.

This could have been done a million different ways, but at the end, the way it was done just doesn’t work because both franchises play backseat to the religious stuff that has no place in this kind of story. Have a great day guys.